My Migrainous Head

I'm tired. Oh so very tired.Not just tired, but sick and tired. Of it all. Generally. I'm tired of the migraines, for a start. I'm tired of depression. Exhausted by mania. Tired of being told to take medication that doesn't work. Tired of dragging myself to the doctor time and time again, only to be told that it's "...just something I have to put up with, I'm afraid".

My friendly Specialist in London said that we migraineurs have a 'excitable brains'. This means that we are more sensitive to external stimuli and emotions are heightened and feelings are exaggerated. Hence why I can sometimes almost feel my brain tripping over itself as it races toward potential implosion unless I take something to calm me the fuck down. She also said that my type of migraine, as it is running on a 10-11-12 day cycle and whatever I can't remember exactly now, but anyway it's pointless me trying to fathom out triggers because this migraine disease isn't related to food at all. Great. If only someone had told me that before. I'm glad she told me that actually, as it means that I can sit here and smugly stick two fingers up at all the judgmental bastards who have, in the past, assumed that it's something I'm doing wrong diet-wise and should watch what I eat. "You shouldn't eat chocolate, you shouldn't eat cheese, blah blah", well "Fuck you, stop telling me how to live my life when you haven't the first clue about this illness!"Ooh, I feel better after that.

I must have seen 20 different doctors in the last 5 years. Some of those several times. One of those, my main GP is an arrogant bastard, but for some reason I go back to him. I've seen so many doctors, neurologists and migraine and headache specialists, all with varying opinions on the subject, but all of whom share an underlying view that no, there really isn't much I can do about 'Migraine Disease'.I'm not sure how I felt about that title when it was first diagnosed. I've got Migraine Disease. Sounds nasty, incurable and possibly terminal, although I keep being assured it's not. Saying that, during my long-awaited Migraine Clinic appointment on 8th December 06, the specialist doctor did confirm what I perhaps had feared most, that my type of Migraine, 'Migraine with Aura', is a rarer type of migraine, suffered by a small percentage of the population and the type which has been linked to stroke. Apparently, the aura business before a migraine, the flashing lights, blind spots and fuzziness (scintillating scotoma and negative scotoma to use the proper terms) comes about due to blood clots. Which is a frightening thought.

She seemed rather 'matter of fact' about it all and not as concerned as I was, until I mentioned that Grandma (Dad's Mum) died quiet young from a stroke.Her tone changed from that point onwards.

"I would suggest," she subtly shoehorned into the conversation, "that as a precautionary measure you should take 75mg of aspirin a day to thin the blood. Don't ever take up smoking and never go on the Pill."

Fine. So I'll just add yet another tablet to the list. OK, so it's only aspirin and quite a small amount, but I do feel like an old biddy with a heart complaint lining up my different coloured pills on the side of my dinner plate so I don't forget. All that's missing from this picture is the grey hair and rocking chair. Might as well write me off now.

Currently I'm taking the following daily:

80mg slow release propranolol (beta-blocker)
25-75mg Amitriptyline
75mg Aspirin
Feverfew (whatever good that does)

And when I have an attack:

Migraleve
Co-codamol.

I have been advised by the clinic to alter this treatment medication to the following:

Soluble aspirin and domperidone (yes, I did think she said Dom Perignon at first) when the prodrome starts (ie, when I get euphoric, anxious, irritable and that 'manic look in my eye' that Trevor sees) the day before. Then when the headache starts, I should try Naramig (a naratriptan). I have actually tried that before, but like its sister drug Imigran (a sumatriptan) I didn't rate it. But apparently I took it at the wrong time. Naratriptan? Sumatriptan? What does all this mean, Karen? I don't bloody know, it's terminology that goes way over my migrainous head. I just sit there and smile pleasantly. Grimacing underneath. Actually, I think they're all the same drug, possibly placebos, just given different names, the derivation of which comes about by randomly putting the letters of the previous one into an anagram generator to add some variety. Naratriptan Sumatriptan Naramig Imigran all the same. Bollocks.