WHAT'S GOING ON IN MY HEAD???

I'm going to briefly describe migraine. For the sheer hell of it.

First there is the 'prodrome'. This is the preliminary period before an attack where you get a bit manic or depressed (or both), hyperactivity, excessive yawning and general madness. I also get restless legs syndrome and can't sleep, but I think that's just me...

Next, there is the 'aura' phase. The first time I got this, in '99, I was shit-scared. Thought I was going blind. I'd just got back from a Gomez gig (not that I'm blaming them), and I started developing a blind spot in front of my eyes. Then a zig-zag pattern of twinkling lights started creeping across before my eyes, further obscuring my vision. It's a really scary sensation, if you've never had it before. Now, having experienced it more than 250 times, this is actually the best part of a migraine, for me. Although it's an inconvenience as you have to stop whatever you're doing, can't drive or anything, and although it's an indication of the impending HELL you're going to go through over the next 48 hours or so, it is quite a nice visual experience. Like a glittery kaleidoscope. Ahh.

Next comes the 'headache'. That bit isn't so fun. In fact, it's shit. For me, it's a one-sided, excruciating and throbbing pain which lasts for a couple of days. The drugs help a bit, but it's still debilitating. Then there's the accompanying nausea. Bright lights make it worse and vomiting is sometimes a factor. Which is nice. Sometimes if I try to speak or write, my words are either miexd up or I have trouble finding the vocab I'm looking for. So I generally don't bother and bury my head in a pillow instead.

Finally, the 'aftermath'. Sheer fucking knackeredness. And depression. And swearing.

So.... that's my life at the moment. I feel I am continually apologising to people for 'letting them down'. I've lost count of the amount of times I've had to decline an invitation out. And the shit thing about that is, that sometimes I get the feeling people don't believe me, I'm making it up to get out of it. I wish.